this time next week i'll be on a ferry on my way back to ireland, which i guess i'm sorta excited about, but also scared. its going to be weird being back for a weekend after over three months away, but also amazing to see everyone. i've realised the last few weeks that since i lost Luke the person i love most in the world is my little brother, Jake
and i cant wait to see him again for a day or so... it will be really good to be around him. i just cant wait to see everyone really and show them just how much i've changed, how much i have become. because i'm a whole new person and i think they'll like the fact.
since today is now saturday (its not long after midnight) today also marks exactly 3 years since i found out my Dad was in hospital. We didnt know what it was at the time, but he never came out again and never got to go home. I guess this week i've been thinking about him a lot cause for me the time i found out he was in hospital is sorta a monumental time, and its only three weeks until his aniversary, which i know will be hard. i'm a bit upset over it and i miss him with all my heart, but i'm hoping this year will be easier, that i will truly be able to show how much better a person i am by moving on and not being as bad on his aniversary. we can but hope. i've asked mum to take me to the graveyard while i'm over in ireland so that i can talk to him and just sorta show him how much i've changed, let him see how well i've done, because even though hes not buried there its the easiest place to go to talk to him and i know he can hear me there, his name is on the gravestone and my grandfather is there.
so tonight, i'm saying good luck to the leaving certs recieving their results on wendsday, excited about going back, and saying i love you to dad, who i miss more than anything always and forever.
sam out xoxoxxx